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October 2nd, 2006

11:15 pm - for my friends I've been reflecting a lot lately on my life experiences and memories. I certainly know that I have really grown this past summer. This has been obvious to me through my self reflections. I have noticed how I can tolerate my parents much more. I always could but now I truly enjoy being around them more than just once and awhile and look forward to seeing them when I come home. I feel like I've really connected with my dad. We did a lot of work around the house and I know he appreciated my help. I've also taken on a truly new view on life. Well, maybe the same view but I have embraced it whole heartedly. I understand that I'm not going to be around forever, and that I could be gone here tomorrow. It's absolutely possible, and I'm almost ok with that. I don't want to go any time soon but I could deal with it. The only problem I would have with that is whether or not the people I care for most would know how I really care about them. I need/should tell my friends how much I care for them. I think I show it the best I can through hugs, listening, and helping them. Maybe I just feel like I am doing what I can but it just doesn't seem as if people are getting it. Anyway, back to what I feel about life. I really need to start living with no regrets, to start putting myself out there so to speak, ya know, make myself vulnerable. Who cares what people think or say about you. I've always said I live by this phrase "say what's on your mind, b/c those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" well I think I'm starting to really embrace that. A friend of mine had this in a profile: " Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who dont. Believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, Take It. If it changes your life, then Let It. Nobody said it'd be easy they just promised it's be Worth It." How true is this? I really like the take a chance part. And if it changes your life then great maybe it is time for a change maybe it is needed to make you happier, to give you a new experience, whatever it is it's gotta be worth it right? Anyway, some of my friends know about some "dreams" I've had of myself when I am to be 22 and today was a friend of mines birthday who turned 22. This all just made me think of these dreams I would have so frequently when I was younger. Dreams that were so real, so vivid, so sad. Dreams that really made me wonder when it would be my time to leave and whether I'd be ok with it. Well I don't know if I'll be ok with it. It wouldn't scare me but I just want all my friends to know that I care about them. Every single one of them. The ones that have came and gone, the ones that are still here and always have been, and the ones that will come because I feel that they have all shaped me and turned me into who I am today. So, to my friends I say to you, THANKYOU! Thank you for being my friends and if I were to be gone tomorrow now I hope you know the way I feel. Current Mood: thankful

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February 5th, 2006

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September 25th, 2005

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September 7th, 2005

08:54 pm Lately I've had this incredible urge to help as many people as I can. Not people that I know but people that are complete and total strangers to me. I've done some things here and there for people I don't know as I walked around campus. It's not like I don't have time to help them either so why not? I enjoy helping others and it makes me feel good. I especially like to see the smile it puts on people's faces when someone helps them. A great example of this is just to simply hold the door open for people. I do this on a regular basis but not until this last week have I really truly noticed the happiness that it brings to people. Just holding the door and smiling seems as if it can totally make someone's day better. I think that more people should do this and I hope eventually it will be a common practice amongst strangers. I favorite thing is to help people with tasks they have to do which they don't want to do or don't like doing. The look on their face when you help them with a difficult job which they don't even want to do, (and you can tell when they are displeased by their task) is total suprise and I love that. This semester brings many new adventures for me. I'm thouroughly excited about what I may be doing next semester. Hopefully at the end of this month I will be admitted into the college of education here at CMU. I can't wait because it's something I've worked real hard at this last year just getting all of my requirements to even apply done. Today I was wondering where I'll be in like five or six years....well I'll probably still be at CMU lol. Well maybe not, hopefully not, but I guess I don't really care where I will be I hope that I'm either out west in Montana/Wyoming or in the Northern lower penninsula near Lake Huron. Anyway enough rambling on I'm out. Everyone try to help somebody each day and see how it feels Current Mood: happy

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December 5th, 2004

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November 23rd, 2004

02:05 pm Wow I can't believe how fast times go by. I updated this thing a long ass time ago, when things weren't going as well but since then they have gotten better. I guess I was just real stressed out about college but that's even messed up because I never get stressed out. I took my computer in the first weekend in October and have had it back for a week just to send it back in to get fixed again. They basically replaced everything in it so I feel as if I have a new computer. Pretty sweet yes, pretty sweet no I haven't got a computer for the last 2 months. I'll at least be getting it back this weekend. Thursday is Turkey Day, GO LIONS!!! French is still hard as heck but oh well. In my HSC class I've been learning a lot about like cardio vascular disease and like symptoms and what not of it. Learning about these things and knowing about my own heart condition has made me think I need to get to the doctors. I might just be paranoid now about it but I feel like my heart is not right. Not to mention, a guy in the other dorm across from my dorm hall just died Wednesday due to some heart problem. This crap freaks me out when I think about all of it. Needless to say I am taking it easy right now. I'm not really losing sleep about it all so that's good. I just want my heart to be fixed up by whatever means necessary. If it means having to have surgery well lets slice me open. Anyway not much is new though other than that crap my worrying has basically consumed my life and I just wanted to type it all out. Current Mood: mellow

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September 28th, 2004

11:04 am - ahhhh These past few weeks for me have been insane!!!! Not the usual good insane either, ya know the kind of insane that I like. I have had tests, quizzes, and projects due like non stop. It's starting to really mess me up. Yesterday I missed my french class b/c I overslept, totally on accident, and missed a quiz and some important information. I don't feel like I have a handle on the college life this year and we are a month into the year. It's like I'm constantly trying to catch up but really I'm never behind. I have hours and hours of homework each day and on top of that I NEED to study. There are times I want to go with some friends to do something but I can't. I simply can not because I need to study or need to do homework therefor I change my plans with them. I hope I am not letting them down but I have got to get this stuff done. I really don't feel well either and I think I'm going to go see a doctor this weekend when I go home b/c something is definitely not right with me. Anyway I'm out I think I'm gonna relax a little or something, at least I'll try. Current Mood: stressed

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September 2nd, 2004

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July 5th, 2004

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June 24th, 2004

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